The Power of No

I had a meeting scheduled with a work colleague, and like every Monday morning, came the obligatory "How are you" question. I don't know who told us this question needed to be asked of every person in every meeting, but today was the same as any other meeting. Or was it? My colleague shared that she was bringing something into our sync that had nothing to do with our time together, but she felt compelled to share. At this moment, I knew my responsibility was to listen because how many times do Black women have a chance during the workday to express frustration without guilt? She shared that amid her already overflowing responsibilities, she was asked to take one for the team and complete a task that had nothing to do with her responsibilities. But what came after this statement propelled a unique conversation about the odds we, as Black women, face physically and mentally when grappling with when and how to say no. 

Psychology Today notes that No recognizes that we are the agents of our limits, but are we at all times? For many Black professionals, we are seen as the college grads, the good job-having generational wealth curse breakers. Hence, the "no" we hope to feel comfortable saying in workplace scenarios may not always be the "no" we can speak and continue the work day without fear overtaking our thoughts. What will happen when I tell my co-worker no? What will they do when they don't respect my no, and do I need to be proactive by putting the entire conversation on blast (stop what I'm doing and write an email) and share with my manager before my nothing becomes their something?

I don't have any easy steps to alleviate these feelings, but I think acknowledging this problem is half the battle. Those visceral reactions are worth your time to process when battling with when and why it's important to say no. Maybe it's the constant pressure of feeling like we have to prove we belong or the unfortunate belief that we have to find ways to fit in versus stand out because we're dope AF. Whatever it is for you, please take the time to process how you feel. 

Source: 

The Power of No. (n.d.). Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201311/the-power-no